3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
