I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Be still, my beating vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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