u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
