All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
