I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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