can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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