It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
