How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
