Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
