i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
