I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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