Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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