went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
