i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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