How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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