I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
