im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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