you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
