Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
