walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
