I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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