if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
