when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
