I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
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