3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize