when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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