I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
