i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
