your room smells of hookers.
And success
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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