I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
