Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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