Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
