I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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