I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize