I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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