Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
