We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
