i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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