I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
