i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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