I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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