I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
