My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
