I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh god it's open bar.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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