So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize