i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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