i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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