she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
