there were more penises there than on chat roulette
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
