Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
