I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Randomize