had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
