I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize