are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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