We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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