no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
