I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
