I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
