Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
