Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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