The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize