dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
