nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
