dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
