I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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