my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
