Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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