what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
