return my video game
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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