your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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