Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
as a side note pls kill me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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