Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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