You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
