areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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