So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize