there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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