I wanna passion pit in your ass
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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