I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
