I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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