ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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