It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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