Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
