I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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