he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
