He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize