Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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