Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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