Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize