apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
