My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
