did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
