I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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