I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Two words: blizzard sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
