look no pants
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
