pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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