Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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