i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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