My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
