I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
