If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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