Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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